Whats In A Name?
You Caught My Eye
A man who lived in a block of apartments
thought it was raining and put his hand out
the window to check. As he did so a glass
eye fell into his hand. He looked up to see
where it came from in time to see a young
woman looking down.
"Is this yours?" he asked.
She said, "Yes, could you bring it up?"
and the man agreed.
On arrival she was profuse in her thanks
and offered the man a drink. As she was very
attractive he agreed. Shortly afterwards
she said, "I'm about to have dinner.
There's plenty, would you like to join me?"
He readily accepted her offer and both enjoyed
a lovely meal. As the evening was drawing
to a close the lady said, "I've had
a marvelous evening. Would you like to stay
The man hesitated then said, "Do you
act like this with every man you meet?"
"No," she replied, "only those
who catch my eye."
Things You Never Use
Donna arrived home from work early one day
and found her husband, Glen, in bed with
another woman. "That's it!" she
shouted, "I'm leaving and I'm not coming
"Wait honey," Glen pleaded, "Can't
you at least let me explain?"
"Fine, let's hear your story,"
"Well, I was driving home when I saw
this poor young lady sitting at the side
of the road, barefoot, torn clothes, covered
in mud and sobbing," explained Glen.
"I immediately took pity on her and
asked if she would like to get cleaned up.
She got into the car and I brought her home.
After she took a shower, I gave her a pair
of the underwear that doesn't fit you anymore,
the dress that I bought you last year that
you never wore, the pair of shoes you bought
but never used and even gave her some of
the turkey you had in the refrigerator but
didn't serve to me."
"Then," Glen continued, "I
showed her to the door and she thanked me.
As she was walking down the step, she turned
around and asked me, 'Is there anything else
your wife doesn't use anymore?'"
You're a Statue
A woman and her lover are in bed together
when hubbie comes home. The woman jumps up,
shoves the guy in a corner of the bedroom,
rubs him down in baby oil and covers him
in talcum powder.
'Don't move! You're a statue!'
The husband comes up to the bedroom and inquires
about the new decoration. The wife explains
that the Smith family next door acquired
a statue for their bedroom recently, and
if they could get one, so could she.
The married couple go to bed, but at midnight
the husband goes downstairs, gets a glass
of milk and some cookies, and comes back
upstairs. He hands the snack to the statue
and says, "Here. I stood around for
3 days at the Smiths', and they never fed
me a thing!"
The young blonde bride made her first appointment
with a gynecologist and told him that she
and her husband wished to start a family.
"We've been trying for months now, doctor,
and I don't seem to be able to get pregnant,"
she confessed miserably.
"I'm sure weŽll solve your problem,"
the doctor reassured her.
"If you'll just take off your clothes
and get up on the examining table."
"Well, all right, doctor," agreed
the young woman, blushing, "but I'd
rather have my husband's baby.
Here is this guy who really takes care of
his body; he lifts weights and jogs five
miles every day.
One morning, he looks into the mirror and
admires his body. He notices that he is really
sun tanned all over except one part and he
decides to do something about it.
He goes to the beach, completely undresses
and buries himself in the dand except for
the one part sticking out.
Two little old ladies are strolling along
the beach and one looks down and says, "There
really is no justice in this world."
The other little old lady says, "What
do you mean?"
The first little old lady says, "Look
"When I was 10 years old, I was afraid
"When I was 20 years old, I was curious
"When I was 30 years old, I enjoyed
"When I was 40 years old, I asked for
"When I was 50 years old, I paid for
"When I was 60 years old, I prayed for
"When I was 70 years old, I forgot about
"And now that I'm 80, the damned things
are growing wild!!"
How Many Women
After three years of marriage, Kim was still
questioning her husband about his lurid past.
"C'mon, tell me," she asked for
the thousandth time, "how many women
have you slept with?"
"Baby," he protested, "if
I told you, you'd throw a fit".
Kim promised she wouldn't get angry, and
convinced her hubby to tell her.
"Okay," he said, "One, two,
three, four, five, six, seven - then there's
you - nine, ten, 11, 12, 13.."