Hit A Bump?
Answers below. Don't cheat.
1. A murderer is condemned to death. He has
to choose between three rooms. The first
is full of raging fires, the second is full
of assassins with loaded guns, and the third
is full of lions that haven't eaten in 3
years - Which room is safest for him?
2. A woman shoots her husband. Then she holds
him under water for over 10 minutes. Finally,
she hangs him. But 5 minutes later they both
go out together and enjoy a wonderful dinner
together - How can this be?
3. There are two plastic jugs filled with
water. How could you put all of this water
into a barrel, without using the jugs or
any dividers, and still tell which water
came from which jug?
4. What is black when you buy it, red when
you use it, and gray when you throw it away?
5. Can you name three consecutive days without
using the words Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday,
Thursday, Friday, Saturday, or Sunday?
6. This is an unusual paragraph. I'm curious
how quickly you can find out what is so unusual
about it? It looks so plain you would think
nothing was wrong with it! In fact, nothing
is wrong with it! It is unusual though. Study
it, and think about it, but you still may
not find anything odd. But if you work at
it a bit, you might find out! Try to do so
without any coaching!
Answers Are At The Bottom
NEW BARBIE DOLLS
Finally a Barbie I can relate to! At long
last, here are some NEW Barbie dolls to coincide
with her and OUR aging gracefully. These
are a bit more realistic...
Bifocals Barbie. Comes with her own set of
blended-lens fashion frames in six wild colors
(half-frames too!), neck chain and large-print
editions of Vogue and Martha Stewart Living.
Hot Flash Barbie. Press Barbie's bellybutton
and watch her face turn beet red while tiny
drops of perspiration appear on her forehead.
Comes with hand-held fan and tiny tissues.
Facial Hair Barbie. As Barbie's hormone levels
shift, see her whiskers grow. Available with
teensy tweezers and magnifying mirror.
Flabby Arms Barbie. Hide Barbie's droopy
triceps with these new, roomier-sleeved gowns.
Good news on the tummy front, too-muumuus
with tummy-support panels are included.
Bunion Barbie. Years of disco dancing in
stiletto heels have definitely taken their
toll on Barbie's dainty arched feet. Soothe
her sores with the pumice stone and plasters,
then slip on soft terry mules.
No-More-Wrinkles Barbie. Erase those pesky
crow's-feet and lip lines with a tube of
Skin Sparkle-Spackle, from Barbie's own line
of exclusive age-blasting cosmetics.
Soccer Mom Barbie. All that experience as
a cheer-leader is really paying off as Barbie
dusts off her old high school megaphone to
root for Babs and Ken, Jr. Comes with minivan
in robin-egg blue or white and cooler filled
with doughnut holes and fruit punch.
Mid-life Crisis Barbie. It's time to ditch
Ken. Barbie needs a change, and Alonzo (her
personal trainer) is just what the doctor
ordered, along with Prozac. They're hopping
in her new red Miata and heading for the
Napa Valley to open a B&B. Includes a
real tape of "Breaking Up Is Hard to
Divorced Barbie. Sells for $199.99. Comes
with Ken's house, Ken's car, and Ken's boat.
Recovery Barbie. Too many parties have finally
caught up with the ultimate party girl. Now
she does Twelve Steps instead of dance steps.
Clean and sober, she's going to meetings
religiously. Comes with a little copy of
The Big Book and a six-pack of Diet Coke.
Post-Menopausal Barbie. This Barbie wets
her pants when she sneezes, forgets where
she puts things, and cries a lot. She is
sick and tired of Ken sitting on the couch
watching the tube, clicking through the channels.
Comes with Depends and Kleenex. As a bonus
this year, the book "Getting In Touch
with Your Inner Self" is included.
"The handcuffs are tight because they're
new. They'll stretch out after you wear them
"If you run, you'll only go to jail
"So, you don't know how fast you were
going. I guess that means I can write anything
I want on the ticket, huh?"
"Yes sir, you can talk to the shift
supervisor, but I don't think it will help.
Oh, did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?"
"Warning! You want a warning? O.K.,
I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll
give you another ticket."
"The answer to this last question will
determine whether you are drunk or not. Was
Mickey Mouse a cat or dog?"
"Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets
and my wife gets a toaster oven."
"Life's tough, it's tougher if you're
"No sir, we don't have quotas anymore.
We used to have quotas, but now we're allowed
to write as many tickets as we want."
"Just how big were those two beers?
"In God we trust, all others are suspects."
YOU ARE NO LONGER "COOL" WHEN...
You find yourself listening to talk radio.
You daughter says she got pierced and you
look at her ears.
The pattern on your shorts and couch match.
You fondly remember your powder blue leisure
You think Tragically Hip is when a middle-aged
man gets a new sports car, hair piece and
a 20 year old girlfriend.
You criticize the kids of today for their
satanic suicide-inducing music, forgetting
that you rocked to Alice Cooper and Black
You call the police on a noisy party next
door instead of grabbing beer and joining
You turn down free tickets to a rock concert
because you have to work the next day.
When grass is something that you cut, not
When jogging is something you do to your
Getting a little action means your prune
juice is working.
All the cars behind you flash their headlights.
You remember the "Rolling Stones"
as a rock group not a corporation.
You bought your first car for the same price
you paid for your son's new running shoes.
You actually ASK for your father's advice.
You don't know how to operate a fax machine.
When someone mentions SURFING you picture
waves and a surf board.
DIRTY SOUNDING LEGAL TERMS
Have you looked through her briefs?
He is one hard judge!
Counselor, let's do it in chambers.
His attorney withdrew at the last minute.
Is it a penal offense?
Better leave the handcuffs on.
For $200 an hour, she better be good!
Can you get him to drop his suit?
The judge gave her the stiffest one he could.
Think you can get me off?
1. The third. Lions that haven't eaten in
three years are dead.
2. The woman was a photographer. She shot
a picture of her husband, developed it, and
hung it up to dry.
3. Freeze them first. Take them out of the
jugs and put the ice in the barrel. You will
be able to tell which water came from which
4. The answer is Charcoal. In Homer Simpson's
words: hmmmm... Barbecue.
5. Sure you can: Yesterday, Today, and Tomorrow!
6. The letter "e", which is the
most common letter in the English language,
does not appear once in the long paragraph.