267 STUPID PICK-UP LINES
Which One's Have You Used, Or Have Had Used
1. That shirt looks very becoming on you....of
course if I were on you I'd be coming too.
2. If I said you had a nice body, would you
hold it against me...Please??!!
3. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd
put U and I together.
4. Are your legs tired? Because you've been
running through my mind all day.
5. Is your father a thief? Because he stole
the stars from the skies and put them in
6. Are you from Tennessee? Because you're
the only ten I see!
7. That dress looks nice....Of course, it'd
look even better crumpled up in the corner
of my room.
8. Are you lost ma'am? Because heaven's a
long way from here.
9. Pardon me, is there a mirror in your pocket?
Because I keep seeing myself in your pants.
10. Hey baby, wanna sit on my lap and we'll
talk about the first thing that pops up!?
11. Would you like to have breakfast tomorrow?
Should I nudge you or call you?
12. (Check female's shirt tag)....Just as
I thought, made in heaven!
13. Were your parents Greek gods? Because
it takes two gods to make a goddess.
14. Pardon me miss, I seem to have lost my
phone number, could I borrow yours?
15. Nice to meet you, I'm (your name) and
16. Your name is Sandra, huh? Can I call
you Sandy? Really, what time?
17. Were you in Boy Scouts? Because you sure
have tied my heart in a knot.
18. Have you seen (any movie)? Would you
19. My face is leaving in 10 minutes... are
you gonna be on it or not?
20. Screw me if I'm wrong, but isn't your
21. Do you have any Italian in you? Would
you like some?
22. If I gave you a sexy negligee, would
there be anything in it for me?
23. I'm new in town, could I get directions
to your place?
24. Miss, if you've lost your virginity,
could I have the box it came in?
25. Hi, the voices in my head told me to
come talk to you!
26. Do you sleep on your front? Do you mind
if I do?
27. If you and I were squirrels, could I
bust a nut in your hole?
28. Do you know the essential difference
between sex and conversation? No, huh...So
you want to go somewhere and talk?
29. That's a nice shirt...could I talk you
out of it?
30. (Female at the copy machine) Reproducing,
eh? Mind if I help?
31. That dress looks great on you...as a
matter of fact, so would I.
32. Hey baby, you want to see something swell?
33. Hi, I'm conducting a feel test to see
how many women here have pierced nipples....
34. Are you religious? Cause I'm the answer
to all your prayers!
35. I love every bone in your body...especially
36. (With hands on shoulders) Oh, those are
shoulder blades, I thought they were wings.
37. Pardon me, are you in heat?!
38. Are you O.K.? Because heaven's a long
fall from here.
39. You know, I never was to good at math...like
if I put you and I together, I'd get 69.
40. You have pretty eyeballs. Of course they'd
be better if they were eyeing my pretty balls.
41. You know the more I drink, the prettier
42. Can I borrow a quarter? Cause my mom
told me to call home when I met the girl
of my dreams.
43. Was it love at first sight, or should
I walk by again?
44. You're good at math right? Is 69 a perfect
45. Was your father a farmer? Because you
sure have grown some nice melons!
46. Your face or mine?
47. Hey, here's the word for the day: legs.
Whatdya say we go upstairs and spread the
48. Am I dead, Angel? Cause this must be
49. Hey Baby! I'd like to wrap your legs
around my head and wear you like a feed bag!
50. Hey Baby! I'd like to use your thighs
51. Is there an airport nearby or is that
just my heart taking off?
52. Make a calling card that says.....Smile
if you want to sleep with me! Then watch
your victim try to hold back her smile.
53. Hi, my name's (_____), how do you like
me so far?
54. Why don't you sit on my lap and we'll
get things straight between the two of us.
55. Hey baby! Wanna go get some pizza and
screw? What you don't like pizza?
56. She: (to passing man) Do you have the
time? Him: Do you have the energy?
57. Bond. James Bond.
58. You know, I'd really love to screw your
brains out, but it appears someone has already
beat me to it.
59. You look like the type of girl who has
heard every line in the book. So, what's
60. Her: What do you think of this (dress,
sweater, blouse, etc.) Him: I like nothing
61. Walk up to a lady at a social gathering
(party, club, etc.) and simply ask, "are
you ready to go home now?
62. You know, I'd give you a piece of my
mind, but I've got more of something else.
63. At the dinner table, if you eat together,
pick up the bread and ask, "Wanna roll?"
64. You know, you've got the prettiest teeth
I've ever dreamed of coming across.
65. That's a really nice smile you've got,
shame that's not all you are wearing.
66. Think you can dance in those shoes?
67. OK, you can stand next to me as long
as you don't talk about the heat.
68. Ask girl if she likes jewellery. Then
grab your nuts and say, "Then suck this,
it's a gem!"
69. You're 'No Parking' right? Just trying
to guess your sign.
70. Why don't you surprise your room-mate/parents
and not go home tonight?
71. Good looking waitress pouring a drink:
Say when! Guy: As soon as I finish this drink.
72. Lie down. I think I love you.
73. What's a nice girl like you doing with
a face like that?
74. I can sense that you're a terrific lover,
and it intimidates me a little.
75. If I weren't so romantic, I'd shoot you.
76. My lenses turn dark in the sunshine of
77. My friend and I have a bet that you won't
take off you blouse in a public place.
78. Can you believe that just a few hours
ago we'd never even been to bed together?
79. I know a great way to burn off the calories
from that pastry you just ate.
80. Was your father a mechanic? Then how
did you get such a finely tuned body?
81. Have you ever kissed a rabbit between
the ears? (Pull your pockets inside out....)
Would you like to?
82. You know I really am James Bond's body
83. Stand back, I'm a doctor! You go get
an ambulance and I'll loosen her clothes.
84. If it's true that we are what we eat,
then I could be you by morning.
85. I think I could fall madly in bed with
86. Hey baby, wanna play carnival? That's
where you sit on my face and I guess your
age and weight.
87. You: Tickle your ass with a feather?
Her: What?! You: I said 'Particular nice
88. Hey baby, wanna play train conductor?
OK. You sit on my face and I'll Chew, chew,
89. Hey baby, wanna play lion? OK. You go
kneel right there and I'll throw you my meat.
90. Do you know the difference between my
penis and a chicken leg? No??? Well, let's
go on a picnic and find out!
91. Oh, you're a bird watcher....(Whip out
your unit and ask) Well, would you take this
for a swallow?
92. Stand back, I'm a police officer! You
go call for backup and I'll frisk her!
93. Do you have a library card? Good, cause
I wanna check you out!
94. Your warm eyes melt the iciness of my
95. (At church during a sermon) (Put your
arm around your gal...) Honey, I don't know
where he is....(motioning to the preacher)
but I do know I'm here with you.
96. Baby, you look better and better each
day...and tonight, you look like tomorrow!
97. Here's a quarter....call your room-mate
and tell her you won't be coming home tonight!
98. Hey baby, you smell, let's take a shower
99. Baby, you with those curves and me with
no brakes! Mmmmm!
100. Hey baby, whatdya say we go behind that
rock and get a little boulder?!?
101. I want to melt in your mouth, not in
102. Can I borrow a quarter? [why?] Cuz I
wanna call your mom and thank her!
103. You're so hot, you melt the plastic
in my underwear!
104. Would you be my love buffet? So I can
lay you out on the table and take/eat what
105. Let's go back to my place and do the
things I'll tell everyone we did anyway!
106. My name is ______. Just remember that,
so you'll know what to scream later.
107. Nice shoes. Wanna screw?
108. Can I flirt with you?
109. Your daddy must have been a baker, cuz
you sure have a nice set of buns!
110. [Checking her shirt tag] Just making
sure you were the right size!
111. (Grab her ass...) Pardon me, is this
112. Is it hot in here? Or is it just you?
113. Can I have directions? (to where?) To
114. I miss my teddy bear. Would you sleep
115. So....how am I doin'?
116. How bout you and me go back to my place
and get you out of those wet clothes?
117. (Tapping your leg) You just think this
is my leg.
118. You know what would look good on you?
119. Excuse me, but I'm a little short on
cash, would you mind if we shared a cab home
120. Go up to a girl in a bar, and slip your
arm around her, and say, "Hi Kate!"
She says, "I'm not Kate!" And you
say, as your hand slips a little lower, "But
you sure feel like her!"
121. She: Gee, I really enjoyed myself tonight!He:
Me too. Maybe we could let our bodies enjoy
each other sometime!
122. Pardon me, I was just about to go home
and masturbate, and I was wondering if you
would mind if I fantasised about you?
123. I've had a pretty bad day, and it usually
makes me feel better to see a pretty girl
smile. So, would you smile for me?
124. Overheard in a computer lab: Just because
our computers are incompatible doesn't mean
125. Hey baby, wanna lock crotches and swap
126. Hey, didn't we go to different schools
127. You know, I would die happy if I saw
you naked just once!
128. Would you like Gin and platonic, or
would you prefer Scotch and sofa?
129. What's your favourite position on extramarital
130. I'm really sorry about Al. It was a
lovely funeral. You look ravishing in black,
did you know that? What you need now is a
nice backrub. Are the straps too tight, darling?
How tragic. How very, very tragic.
131. Hello, Susie. Your mom couldn't make
it this afternoon, she asked me to pick you
up and take you home. My, what a pretty dress.
132. Excuse me, do you live around here often?
133. I've gotta thirst, baby, and you smell
like my Gatorade!
134. I've got an itch honey. Lower. Lower.
135. I'm on fire baby, can I run through
136. Sex is a killer. Wanna die happy?
137. I have only three months to live...
138. Hey baby, what's your sign? All you
139. Hi! I'm Big Brother, and I've been watching
140. Where have you been all my life?
141. In the produce department: "How
can you tell if these things are ripe?"
142. Hey, weren't you Miss Virginia last
143. Don't worry about it. Nothing that you've
ever done before counts. The only thing that
matters is that we're together.
144. I know milk does a body good, but baby,
how much have you been drinking?
145. Your daddy must be a drug dealer, cuz
146. Hey baby, can I tickle your belly-button
from the inside?
147. If I follow you home, will you keep
148. Hey, don't I know you? Yeah, you're
the girl with the beautiful smile
149. Go up to a girl and tell her she has
nice legs....then ask would she mind if you
named them. She says ok, and you say ok this
one is Thanksgiving and that one is Christmas.....would
you mind if I visited between the holidays?
150. Have you always been this cute, or did
you have to work at it?
151. Hi. I suffer from amnesia. Do I come
152. As she's leaving....Hey aren't you forgetting
something? She: What?Me!
153. Have you run into any trees lately?
Then how bout a root!
154. Hey baby, you wanna fu*k or should I
155. If you want me, don't shake me, or wake
me, just take me.
156. Want to see my stamp collection?
157. Want to come see my HARD DRIVE? I promise
it isn't 3.5 inches and it ain't floppy.
158. Hi, do you want to have my children?
(assuming the answer is 'no'), OK then, can
we just practice?
159. Excuse me, you have some lipstick on
your tooth, mind if I lick it off?
160. Do you know how to use a whip?
161. Do you wash your panties with Windex?
Cuz I keep seeing myself in them.
162. Are those space pants? Cuz your ass
is out of this world!
163. How do you like your eggs cooked? Why?
Well I just wanted know what to make for
you in the morning!
164. Baby, somebody better call God, cuz
he's missing an angel!
165. You: Hi, wanna screw? Her: No! Me: Mind
lying down while I have one?
166. Baby, I'm an American Express lover....you
shouldn't go home without me!
167. Hi, my name is "Milk." I'll
do your body good.
168. Excuse me, maam, is that dress felt?
Would you like it to be?
169. You: I'm sorry, were you talking to
me? Her: No. You: Well then, please start.
170. I've got the ship, you've got the harbour...what
say we tie up for the night?
171. Would you like to come over to my place
later? You can bring some friends because
my face seats five.
172. Wanna go halves in a baby?
173. You: I hear you like to sing. Her: Yeah...
You: (Whip out your pud) Well, then step
up to the mike!
174. Pardon me, what pickup line works best
175. Forget that! Playing doctor is for kids!
Let's play gynaecologist.
176. Can I see your tan lines?
177. I'm not trying anything, I always put
my hands there.
178. Beauty is only a light switch away...
179. If you were a tear in my eye I would
not cry for fear of losing you.
180. Do you have a map? I just get lost in
181. Do you have a boyfriend? Well, when
you want a MANfriend, come and talk to me.
182. I'll bet you 10 bucks I could get all
your clothes off in 30seconds...
183. I was sitting here holding this cigarette
and I realised I'd rather be holding you.
184. If your parents hadn't met I'd be very
a very unhappy man right now!
185. Do you know the difference between a
hamburger and a blow job? No! D'ya wanna
186. Hey baby, sit on my face and let me
get to 'nose' you better!
187. You see my friend over there? [Point
to friend who sheepishly waves from afar]
He wants to know if YOU think I'M cute.
189. Motion your finger for girl to come
over to you, when she gets there say, I just
made you come with one finger, imagine what
I could do with TWO!
190. Hey baby, are you a glover? NO? Well,
I am, wanna wear me?
191. I hope you know CPR, cuz you take my
192. Is it hot in here, or is it just you?
193. Hey baby, you must be a light switch,
cuz every time I see you, you turn me on!
194. Stand still so I can pick you up!
195. Hi, we're taking a survey and I need
your phone number. If you give it to me,
I'll call you and tell you the results.
196. I didn't know that angels could fly
197. Excuse me, but I think I dropped something!!!
198. Do you like music?(Yes) Good, I've got
a great stereo in my car!
199. Are you looking for Mr. Right, or Mr.
200. Man: (beckons woman with finger) Woman:(Approaches
man) Man: Do you always cum when someone
201. Girl, you look so good, I could put
you on a plate and sop you up with a biscuit!
202. Really like your peaches, wanna shake
203. Excuse me, I am about to go masturbate
and needed a name to go with the face.
204. Pardon me, but are those stretch marks
around your mouth?
205. Do you want to hear a joke that'll make
you laugh your tits off?.. Oh, you've already
206. I like your butt, can I wear it as a
207. Pardon me, but are you a screamer or
208. I think I can die happy now, cause I've
just seen a piece of heaven.
209. Baby, you must be a broom, cause you
just swept me off my feet.
210. Do you know, your hair and my pillow
are perfectly colour co-ordinated.
211. Baby, you're so sweet, you put Hershey's
212. Go up to a girl at a bar or a dance
and ask her "do you want a screw (wait
for a second gauging her reaction) and then
say ...ing drink.
213. Go up to a girl, ask her: "Do you
know what winks and screws like a tiger?"
She says no. Then wink.
214.Wasn't I supposed to eat you somewhere?
215. Excuse me do fries come with that shake?
216. I'd spend money on you I haven't even
217. I would give you more money than a show
dog could jump over.
218. Baby, you look good coming AND going!
219. I'd marry your cat just to get in the
220. I can't decide if you are a better person
than you are a woman or you are a better
woman than you are a person.
221. So...Do you screw, or do I owe you an
222. Well hello there! How you screwin; glad
to eat ya!
223. I'm not drunk, I'm just intoxicated
224. Excuse me, miss, do you give head to
strangers? No. Well, then, allow me to introduce
225. If this bar is a meat market, you must
be the prime rib.
226. He: You look like my third wife. She:
Oh, how many time have you been married?
227. Take an ice cube to the bar, smash it,
and say, "Now that I've broken the ice,
will you sleep with me?"
228. I play the field, and it looks like
I just hit a home run with you.
229. I must be lost. I thought paradise was
230. You know what I like about you? My arms.
231. What did you say? Oh, I thought you
were talking to me.
232. So, what are the chances that we can
engage in anything more than just conversation?
233. You make my software turn to hardware!
234. As long as I have a face, you'll have
a place to sit.
235. Was you father an alien? No, why? Because
there's nothing else like you on earth!
236. Hey baby, How would you like to join
me in some math? We'll add you and me, subtract
our clothes, divide your legs, and multiply!
237. Baby, I'm no Fred Flintstone, but I
can make your Bedrock!
238. Hey baby, let's play house, you can
be the door and I'll slam you!
239. Would you touch me so I can tell my
friends I've been touched by an angel?
240. Hello, I'm a thief, and I'm here to
steal your heart.
241. You must be a hell of a thief 'cause
you stole my heart from across the room
242. There are 256 bones in the human body.
How'd ya like one more?
243. As the sun illuminates the moon and
the stars, so let us illuminate each other.
244. Are you going places or just being taken?
245. If god made anything prettier, I hope
he kept it for himself.
246. I'll show you mine if you'll show me
247. Gee Girl, your eyes remind me of crescent
wrenches, every time I look into them my
248. Hey baby I want to take you to Hawaii.
To the island of "comona, wanna, lay
249. If you have a fake leg (or if you don't),
rub hers and if she says anything say "I'm
sorry, I thought that was my leg.
250. Baby, if you were a flower, I would
251. Baby, you're so fine, you're my 9.9...
252. Hey, I just noticed you looking at me
across the room. I'll give a minute to catch
253. What's the best thing to come out of
a penis? the wrinkles!
254. Hey baby, is your name Gillette? Cuz
you're the best a man can get!
255. You know, I have a romantic side....let's
go back to my room and see how long it takes
you to find out!
256. Girl, you must be a tater tot, cuz you're
257. (As they walk past) Why don't you come
back here and fall in love with me!
258. Girl, you've got more curves than a
259. Baby, you're hotter than Georgia asphalt
on a summer day!
260. Hey baby, will it bother you if I sleep
in the nude?
261. Girl, you got more legs than a bucket
262. She: You're so sweet... He: Well, it's
easy to be sweet when you're talking to sugar!
263. Hi, my name's coffee, cuz I'll keep
you up all night!
264. Hey baby, you look like you need a one-way
ticket on the roly-poly express ride of love!
265. I say your picture in the dictionary
today, it was under KABAAM!
266. I hope you don't mind me giving you
this rose, but, I just had to show it how
you beautiful you are...
267. Write a small note, at the end write:
"Believe me when I say that my heart
cries out to you and if kisses could be sent
in writing you would be reading this letter
with your lips.