Q. What's the difference between government bonds and men?

A. Bonds Mature.

Husband: Want a quickie?

Wife: As opposed to what?

How is a man like a snowstorm?

Because you don't know when he's coming, how many inches you'll get, or how long it'll stay.

Why are men like blenders?

You need one, but you're not quite sure why.

Why do men name their penises?

Because they want to be on a first-name basis with the person who makes all their decisions.

What is the difference between a man and childbirth?

One can be terribly painful and sometimes almost unbearable while the other is just having a baby.

How many men does it take to pop popcorn?

Three. One to hold the pan and two others to show off and shake the stove.

Husband: I don't know why you wear a bra, you've got nothing to put in it?

Wife: You wear briefs, don't you?

Only a man would buy a $500.00 car and put a $4,000.00 stereo in it.

Q. Why did God create man?

A. Because a vibrator can't mow the lawn

1.	`	FINE	`	This is the word women use to finish an argument when they are right and you need to shut up!
2.	`	FIVE MINUTES	`	If she 's getting dressed, this means a half hour. Five minutes is only 5 minutes if you have just been given 5 more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house
3.	`	NOTHING!	`	This is the calm before the storm. This means "something" and you best be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in "Fine!"
4.	`	GO AHEAD!	`	This is a dare. Not permission. Don't do it
5.	`	LOUD SIGH	`	This is actually a word, but it is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks your an idiot and wonders why she is waisting her time arguring with you bout "NOTHING." ( Refer back to # 3 )
6.	`	THAT'S O.K.!	`	This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's O.K. means she wants you to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
7.	`	THANKS!	`	A women is thanking you. Do not question it or faint. Just say your welcome. ( I want to add a clase here,this is true unless she says "Thanks a lot!" That is pure sarcasum and she is not thanking you at all. Do Not say "your welcome." That will bring on a Whatever!
8.	`	WHATEVER!	`	Is a women's way of saying F___K YOU!
9.	`	DON"T WORRY, I GOT IT!	`	Anouther dangerous statement. Meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but she is now doing it herself. This will later result in the man asking "What's Wrong." ( For the women's response refer to # 3 )